The Joy of Always Being Wrong

Sept. 1992, Geos hiring office, Vancouver, corner of Howe and Nelson, 3:38pm.

"Thank you very much, Junko and Kyoko. I hope you enjoyed the lesson. Enjoy your stay in Vancouver." I walked out of the room.

I had just given my demonstration lesson to a couple of Japanese high school students doing home stays in Vancouver at the Geos hiring office and I was walking back to the interview office. The students were now filling in questionnaires about my lesson and the video tape of the demo was being critiqued by the hiring staff.

I got back to the interview room and sat down on a sofa with the rest of the hopefuls.

"The lesson looked good, man." the guy sitting next to me said.
"What? You could see the lesson?" I asked.
"Yeah. They've got a closed circuit TV hooked up to the video camera in the class room."
"Oh, great. Everyone watched?"
"Yeah."
"I sucked. I really blew it."
"Naw, you did OK. What can they reasonably expect? You just started. Once you get the hang of it, you'll be a real pro. It'll just take a little time. You'll see."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

The next would be teacher went into the classroom and started her lesson.

"Hi! What's your name? Junko? OK, I'm going to start by singing a song I learned at summer camp when I was a little girl. Here we go! Fee Fi Fo Funko, banana-ramma Junko! Her name is Junko, not Bu-nko, Cu-nko, not even Uu-nko! Fee Fi Fo Junko!" the teacher sang merrily and clapped her hands while walking around the room pushing one shoulder forward then the other.

The girl named Junko looked down at the table and started softly crying. It wasn't till a few months later that I would learn what had made her cry.

"Chris," Margaret began, "your lesson was OK but you've got to make some improvements. Geos would like to see more movement in your class. You've got to get them up and moving about right at the beginning of the class. Try a ball tossing exercise. Then you've got to get them into some serious seat work. Crack the books. They've paid a lot for those texts."
"Umm. OK. Get them up and about then get them down and into a book. OK, gotcha."
What the hell was that all about? Get them up then get them down? What kind of schizophrenic class was I supposed to run?
"We'll keep the feedback coming, Chris. Once you've got your classes going, we'll always be watching. Don't worry."
"Does this mean I got the job?" I asked.
"We'll tell you tomorrow." she answered.

April, 1993, Odawara Geos, near Odawara station, 6:32pm

"Chris, you're doing great, just great. You're turning out to be a great Geos eikaiwa teacher. But...you could be doing better. You need to make a few changes." Angela began.

Angela was the area leader for Kanto Geos at the time.

"Instead of getting your students to do some kind of physical activity at the beginning of the class then going to the textbook, why not start off in the text then getting into something physical at the end of the class to reinforce what was learned. How about trying a ball tossing exercise?"

February, 1995, Tokyo, Shin Osaki, Geos head office, 11:07am

"All of you are doing just great. I'd like to be the first to tell you that you are all just great. Thank you. However, you all could be doing better. I realize we are all members of a winning team and we should all be very grateful for that, but that doesn't mean you are perfect." said Sid, the latest area leader for Kanto.

"Sid, at what point in a lesson would you recommend we try a ball tossing exercise?" I asked earnestly.
"Excellent question, Chris, excellent question. You should already know the answer to this, however." he said smiling at me, "But allow me to refresh your memories. Ball tossing exercises when used in conjunction with vocabulary or grammar drills should only be used in the middle of a class. It's a scientifically proven fact that customers renew their contracts more frequently when a ball tossing exercise is initiated near the middle of the class time."
"Jesus, Sid, you're right. My customers do seem to renew frequently and repeatedly when I start the ole ball tossing game near the middle of class time." I said.
"Yes, they----" he stopped suddenly and looked at me seriously. Was I fucking with him or was I a believer? He would never know.

February, 1997, Tokyo, Britannica Eikaiwa, someplace near a bridge, 3:29pm

I had just taken the grand tour of Britannica's school. The school took up one floor of some big building. Nicely decorated, lots of posters and pictures, coffee machines, teachers chatting with students on sofas, nobody running anywhere. The hiring lady spoke to me like I had gotten the job.
"You'll be able to create your own lesson plans based on your particular style of teaching. We don't try to impose any regimented method on our teachers. Let's face it, if you're not comfortable doing role plays or jazz chants then your students will probably pick up on that and be uncomfortable, too. Just as there are many different learning styles, there are different teaching styles."
"Hmmm...the place looks great, Vickie. Looks like a nice play to work." I said.
"Well thank you. Let's go over to the lounge and we'll finish up the interview."
"OK."

"It says here on your resume that you worked at Geos for three years."
"Yep, glutton for punishment, I suppose."
She laughed at that.
"So what can you tell me about that experience?"
I paused. The only thing I could say about my experience there would be that I learned a little about Japan and something about teaching despite being employed by Geos. I was gathering myself to say that when she laughed again.
"Ah, yes, the 'Geos Moment'. That quiet minute before any ex-Geos worker answers the question. I've seen it happen before, Chris, relax.
"That obvious, huh?"
"I've got a confession to make. I went through the Geos hiring process, myself. I quit before it came time to sign any contracts but I did some training with them. I got the hang of eikaiwa with them, you know, learned about sales, got some ideas about how to get customers to renew contracts, checked out some popular texts and teaching styles. Then I left and came to Japan by myself. It is so much better than going through all the hassles with them."
"So, tell me, when do you start the ball tossing exercise?" I asked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Oh, uh, nothing."
"Something you probably know about Geos, though."
"What's that?"
"You're never right."
"I knew that before I joined Geos, Vic."
She laughed again.
"No, no, no. You know what I mean. You can never be right with them. It's just like the way they treat their customers. A student can never be perfect or else that student walks out the door with all his money. It's the job of the teachers to always keep perfection out of reach of the best students. Never let them feel that they're good. Students must always renew their contracts. Confident students don't renew. They walk. Now if you look at it from the personnel department's point of view, a confident teacher is a teacher moving on. A teacher who feels that he knows what he is doing feels that he can leave the nest and find a better, more independent position. Geos can't have that. They'd have a steady stream of teachers leaving them in droves."
"It was comfortable to be wrong all the time, though." I said.
"What?"
"Being wrong all the time was like playing a part in some dopey 60's sitcom."
"Do tell..."
"There I was, happy go lucky Chris. They probably had a funny little tune playing on the sound track whenever I appeared on the screen, do-do-do-do-do, 'Hi everybody! How are you today?' I'd ask my co-workers every morning.
'Chris, did you remember to approach your students about renewing their contracts in three months?' the manager would ask.
'Golly, no! Was I supposed to do that?'
'Well gee whizz, Chris, of course! You're supposed to be approaching your students every day!' Then we'd both look at the camera, heave big sighs, roll our eyes, shake our heads and smile. End of show. Do-do-do-do-do."
"Ba-Ha! That's funny! You could be a great teacher with that kind of imagination." Vickie said.
"I thought so, too, once..."

"Well, Chris, I'll be giving you a phone call in a little while to let you know the deal."

I never got the phone call. I found another job. I learned how to enjoy being wrong and how to excel at it to enhance my position in various jobs.